


It'll Be Okay

by Cumberbiscuit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cutting, Depression, Eventual kylux, Fencing, Homosexuality, Kylux Typical Arguing, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Self-Harm, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-24 09:50:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12010221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cumberbiscuit/pseuds/Cumberbiscuit
Summary: Kylo Ren is a grade twelve student who doesn't like many things, sabre fencing amongst the few things he actually likes. And Hux, the new student with a stick up his ass, is definitely not on the list of things that he does like.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this will have self harm depicted in later chapters.   
> As well, I am not a fencer, and as such, may make mistakes due to this when I'm writing about fencing. If you notice mistakes, please let me know so that I can fix them if possible.  
> I will try to update as regularly as I can.

It was the first day of grade twelve.

Kylo hated first days, but to be fair, he hated a lot of things. 

He pulled up the hood of a worn hoodie (black, obviously) before heading downstairs. 

His parents were a blur of cheerful energy, only serving to make him scowl. 

He was just choosing from the bowl of fruit, trying to find the least rotten piece of fruit to eat on the bus, when the back door slammed open.

“Han! You won't believe it, I've found the best business venture, and-” Uncle Lando paused at Leia's glare his way.

“I will not have you coercing my husband into another illegal 'business venture’ with you. He has a perfectly respectable job and is far better off without you trying to get the both of you arrested.” Leia finished with a huffy breath, turning back to the carrots she was peeling. 

Lando spun around, his grin never wavering. He was trying to straighten his rumpled blue jacket before his attention caught on Kylo. 

“Ben! How are you, buddy? I swear you just keep sprouting up, what is it, two inches since I last saw you?” He finally stopped for air, and Kylo finally snagged an orange from the bowl.

“Pretty good, Uncle Lando, and it's Kylo now. Kylo Ren.” 

“Because he's too cool to be associated with us, apparently.” Called Han from the family room, where he apparently had been listening.

Kylo rolled his eyes, tossing the orange in his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “I'm headed to school!” He called to his parents, not waiting for an answer before heading to the front door and tying his boots, pushing away Chewie, his father's overgrown mutt of a dog. Chewie tried to follow him out the door, but he managed to keep the dog from getting out, slamming the door behind him. 

He walked to the bus stop at the end of the road, eyeing the other students with disdain. The bus was three minutes late, because of course it was, it's not like things could be halfway decent for a change. Kylo slumped in a seat near the back, glaring at anyone who looked at him, and he did make an intimidating enough picture, wearing all black and large enough to give most people who could bother him trouble. 

They arrived at school early despite having left late, and Kylo shuffled his feet impatiently as everyone filed off the bus, and then he was facing the doors of the school with trepidation. 

He joined the crush of students, clamoring loudly with their friends. He felt a pang of loneliness at the sight of everyone rejoining with friends, but he shoved it down. He didn't need friends.

He pushed past some puny kid with bright orange hair, nearly knocking him over. “Move it.” He growled, stomping off before the kid could retaliate, although he doubted the kid would have done much more than cower.

Much to his dismay, the ginger kid was in his first class, and for some godforsaken reason, had decided to sit  _ next to him _ . 

Thankfully the kid didn't seem to believe in clamoring on to anyone who would listen the way most people had a tendency to do, instead he seemed to be surveying the room. And Kylo realized he'd been looking at the kid for far too long, interesting himself in getting out his pencils instead. The kid didn't look old enough to be a senior, not by far, that's why he had been looking at him. That's all it was.

Sadly, his luck didn't last, and the teacher believed strongly in students working together and wanted them to start by introducing themselves to their seatmate.

Most of the students started babbling contentedly to their partner, but Kylo and the ginger kid sort of just looked at each other for a long moment. 

“Hux.” The ginger kid offered.

“Kylo” he replied, noticing now that Hux wasn't as young as he'd originally thought, having long since lost the young roundness to his cheeks, and having a lower voice than Kylo expected, although Kylo had thought the kid looked about twelve, so he wasn't expecting much. 

“I'm new here.” The kid, Hux, offered. Kylo, not sure what to say back, just nodded in response. 

The teacher soon called out for them to quiet down, and despite Kylo’s remaining dislike for school in general, the conversation, brief as it was, felt like it had formed some sort of understanding between the two of them.

 

At lunch, Hux sat down across from him, and Kylo nearly jumped out of his skin. No one ever sat across from him, or beside him. 

“What?” Hux sounded angry, and Kylo realized he'd been staring. 

“Why are you sitting with me?” Kylo had intended for the words to sound accusatory, or angry enough to drive the redhead away, but they sounded confused.

Hux blinked, clearly having not expected the question. 

“Well, I'd say because you were nice to meet, but neither of us would believe that, as you clearly haven't been. So let's go with that you're simply the only one I know by name here, will that do?” He sounded amused, and that infuriated Kylo to no end.

He grit his teeth and nodded. Hux was scribbling something in a notebook, biting his lip.

His parents were always after him to make friends. Maybe he should try. 

“So...Where did you move from?” Kylo was twisting the orange from this morning in his hands, not eating it.

Hux looked up from the notebook. “If you don't care, why are you asking?”

Kylo tried not to gape at that. “I...I was trying to be polite.” He realized how absurd the words were as soon as they exited his mouth, and from the smirk on the kid's damn face, clearly he did as well. 

“Polite? Yes, that was quite obviously your intent. You look like an incredibly polite person.” Sarcasm was dripping off his words as he turned back to his book, scrawling something unintelligible in the margin.

“Well not all of us can keep a stick as far up our asses as you do.” Kylo grinned as Hux huffed in annoyance. “If you have a problem with me then go find your other friends. Oh wait…”

They both sat there glaring at each other, each daring the other to break the silence first. 

Hux's hand darted out to snatch the orange from Kylo's hand. He started peeling it, carefully unravelling the peel in one long strip. 

“What are you doing? That's mine!” Kylo protested.

Hux smirked back at him, and Kylo resisted the urge to punch the look off his face. 

“Well it's not like you were eating it, and if you'd squeezed much harder it might have exploded.” 

Kylo grabbed the notebook, which had been laying abandoned on the table, in retaliation. 

“Give that back!” Snapped Hux, visibly upset.

Kylo flipped through it, but only caught a few words before it was torn from his hands by Hux, who looked equal parts angry and scared. “Don't you ever fucking touch that again or you'll regret it for the three seconds you have left to live.” Kylo was taken aback by the sudden threats and hostility. It took him a moment to come up with anything to say, a moment longer than he would have liked.

“I don't give a fuck about your stupid book. And I would run you the fuck through in a fight.” 

Thankfully the bell rang before either of them had a chance to say anything else, and they both stormed off, both of them shaken.

As much as it pained Kylo to admit it, he suddenly realized he  _ really _ wanted to know what was in that book.

 

••••

 

Hux was late for his next class, he had needed to spend far too long in the bathroom composing himself again, trying to stop his hands from shaking.

_ Think logically. He was flipping through it, not really reading. Even if he did see a sentence or two, which he so very likely hadn't, the chances of it being anything of value, or pertinent information were low. Besides,  _ Hux convinced himself,  _ that jerk wouldn't care about what he found, even if he managed to piece it together from a single sentence. It's going to be fine. He didn't see anything. _

And yet his fingers trembled. He clenched his hands into fists, nails biting into his palms. 

Thankfully the teacher was still busy trying to quiet the chaos of students, and by the time everything was in order, Hux was exactly where he should have been. The rest of the day went by normally, and by the end of the day he had enough to think about that the incident at lunch was just a lingering thought at the back of his mind. Although every time he opened his bag, he checked that his journal was still in its pocket. Just in case.


	2. Distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual fencing and also self harm in the chapter.   
> If you actually fence, know that I don't, nor do I know much about it, so I apologize for any mistakes.

As much as it pained him to admit it, Kylo was distracted. 

He felt the point of Mitaka’s sabre tap against his lamé, setting off the light, and his sabre had been nowhere near enough to even attempt a defence. 

“Ren!” Barked Sn

oke, the fencing coach. Kylo pulled off his mask, storming off the piste to Snoke. 

“Yes, sir?” 

“You're distracted, Ren. Or have you lost your ability? That was an easy parry, one that you should have been able to do in your sleep. Perhaps you don't want a spot on the team?” Contrary to be worded as a question, it sounded like a threat.

“I want to be on the team, sir.”

“Then get it right this time, Ren.”

“Yes, sir.”

Ren turned back to Mitaka, still turning the thought of Hux over in his mind. If this salle had been against him, Kylo was sure he would have had perfect form. 

Kylo pulled his mask back on and got into position.

“Play!”

 

Kylo was still thinking about lunch the day before as he showered and changed into his clothes, black as usual. 

_ Why would he be afraid? What was in the book? _

He finished packing up his equipment and slung the duffel bag over his shoulder, so immersed in his own thoughts that he almost knocked Hux clean over. He snapped out of his thoughts.

“Hux, I...uh...I just wanted to say...sorry. About yesterday. I shouldn't have touched your stuff.” They stared at each other for a long moment. 

“Okay.” Was the response he got. He supposed it was as good as he would get. 

His apology must have been accepted, because Hux followed him to his locker, where he struggled to force his duffle bag into a space half its size. 

Hux watched him battle the locker and his bag. 

“What do you have in there, anyways? A body?” Hux asked. Kylo finally slammed the locker shut, equipment inside. 

“No, if I had killed someone, I doubt I'd be inclined to tote their body around school. It's fencing equipment.” 

Hux's brow furrowed. “Fencing? You fence?” 

Kylo crossed his arms. “Is that a problem?” 

“No...I just can't picture you doing that. Isn't fencing all pretty footwork and dancing around people? Wouldn't you be more inclined to do...I don't know, football?”

Kylo scoffed. “Fencing is like a modern version of sword fighting. It's about skill, speed and quick thinking. Football is a group of sweaty people bashing into each other and losing half their brain cells.” 

Hux actually smiled in response, and Kylo quirked the corner of his own mouth up. 

“If you want to watch, you could come watch one of the practices. Or even a competition.” 

Hux didn't answer, and Kylo told himself he didn't care either way. The kid could walk off the roof for all he cared. 

 

He'd never liked English. And grade twelve English was no exception. Kylo had this figured out within five minutes of entering the class, but that didn't make it easier. Hux, Kylo was quickly learning, was something close to a perfect student. Where Kylo struggled to decode the poem they'd been given into various literary devices, Hux was coming up with interpretations the teacher hadn't ever heard or thought of. When he was called on, he'd stuttered, and of course he'd been called right after Hux, making the one instance of simile he'd found seem like something a child could have found. He felt the panic rising in his chest all class, the desperation. He barely took in a word the teacher said, and bolted as soon as the bell rang. He knew he couldn't make it to the end of the day, until he got home. 

He locked himself in a bathroom stall, hating himself for what he was about to do. Kylo's fingers were trembling a little as he reached into his bag, pulling out the pocketknife he kept there. He sat down on the closed lid on the toilet, knife perched on his knee as his fingers traced the scars and scabs in various states of healing that covered his thighs. His fingers were still trembling when he picked up the blade, and if he tried for precision like this, he knew he'd be as likely to cut his fingers off as he would get a proper cut. No, from experience that he hated having, he knew how to deal with the shaking. With the fear and stress. The depression.

He held the knife several inches above his leg and brought it down fast, slashing across the leg. A few droplets of blood swelled, spreading into a line, showing the path the blade had taken. A moment later the pain hit, numbing his stress, and the trembling stopped. A pang of self loathing took its place, but he was used to that by now. He brought the blade down, not slashing now, carefully drawing it across. He presses hard enough that soon a second and then a third line surfaced, disappearing as the blood continued to push out. he tried for precision like this, he’d wind up with something jagged and possibly cut his own hand off.

He set the knife back down on his bag, dragging a finger across the blood, smearing it. He lifted the finger to his mouth, sucking it clean. 

He couldn't say when this particular ritual had started, but he did it every time. It tasted metallic. Like regret. Regret for the decisions that had brought him here. 

He shook himself out of his thoughts, and Kylo pulled a bandaid out of his bag, pulling it open and trying to get the right angle to cover the majority of the cuts. The first one was too long, and the sticky part of the bandaid went over part of it. He knew it would hurt to take off. He didn't really care at the moment. 

A few minutes later he left the bathroom, still half in the cloud of euphoria brought in by the injury. He headed to the cafeteria, and he wasn't entirely surprised that Hux was sitting where he had the first day, although he felt a pang of happiness, real happiness, at the sight. 

“Hi.” He said, offering a half smile as he sat down, pulling out a proper lunch today, Leia wouldn't let him leave without it. 

Hux looked concerned. “You're late.”

Kylo swallowed, not wanting to lie to Hux, but in no way would he ever tell anyone the truth about this, about him. “I had to stop by my locker.” 

Hux gave him a look that said he clearly didn't buy the excuse, but he didn't argue with it.

“I didn't mean to overreact yesterday.” Hux said, and Kylo figured that was as close to an apology as Hux got. 

“It's fine. You...uh. You're really good at English.” Kylo wasn't entirely sure how one asked for help, but he was pretty sure his threatening tone wasn't doing him favors. 

Thankfully Hux seemed to understand where he was going. “You want to work together on homework? Maybe compare work?” Hux worded it so that it sounded like they'd be helping each other, instead of the one sided arrangement it would be. 

“Yeah, that'd be great. Um, when would you want to meet?” Kylo felt his pulse pick up for some unknown reason. 

_ This isn't a big deal. Just the two of us meeting up to study. No big deal. None. _

“Would today work?” Hux rushed the words in a way that it took Kylo a moment to decipher what he said. Hux usually spoke slowly, enunciating every word carefully.

“Yeah, I have fencing practice after school though, so it'd have to be an hour after school ends. Where would you want to do it?”

Kylo paused to eat some of his sandwich, which was too dry and hard to swallow. Hux had once again stolen the fruit that he'd brought, an apple today. 

“We could do it at school, but the library might be closed by then.” 

“We could do it at my house if you're okay with dealing with my parents and my dog.” Hux did not look like a dog person. Or an animal person. 

Hux nodded slowly. “We can do that.”

 

  * ••••



 

Hux didn't go immediately to watch Kylo's practice. He lingered in class, and then by his locker. He stopped and read every poster and sign up sheet on his way, reading through the names as though he would later be tested on them.

So when he finally made it to the gym door, practice was well under way. Hux stayed outside the door, watching through the window.

Despite what Kylo had told him about fencing, he wasn't expecting very much, although he had done a little research on it once he'd gone home. There were a half dozen students on the team, paired up and fighting. An older man, who Hux assumed was the coach, walked around, watching them. 

All the students were holding sabres and fighting, although he wasn't sure if that was the right word for it. 

It did look like a dance to him, but not the ballet he had still expected after his conversation with Kylo.

It held a certain grace, the sharp quick movements of the fencers, but it also moved so fast that if the helmets of those who had scored a point didn't light up, he wouldn't have been able to track what was happening, and even with that it was hard to tell. 

One of the pairs stopped and the coach spoke to them, although Hux couldn't hear what he was saying. 

Since he had spent so long waiting time on the way over, it wasn't very long until the practice was over. 

Hux, despite trying very hard not to be, was impressed by what he had seen. He wanted to see more. Maybe he should come to more practices. He should tell Kylo, maybe he'd be happy to hear that. Or maybe not, but who cared, Hux wanted to watch more. He hadn't ever had an interest in sports but this seemed as much a mental test as a physical one. Not that Hux wanted to participate and get sweaty but maybe he would watch more.

Kylo finally came out, walking over to Hux, carrying the same duffle bag as before, along with his backpack. 

“Hey, did you see any of the practice?” He sounded hopeful, Hux should tell him that he wanted to see more.

Instead he said “Aren't fencers regulated to wear  _ white _ uniforms? Why do you wear the wrong uniform?”

 

  * ••••



 

Of course that was his first comment. Kylo managed to refrain from rolling his eyes, which was a feat. He started walking.

“It's not the  _ wrong uniform _ . It's just the one that I wear. And I use a different one for competitions.”

Hux snorted. “It's  _ black. _ Players wear white uniforms and trainers wear black ones. What you were wearing was black, and you are not a trainer.” 

Kylo stopped, pushing the door to the school open with his back.

“It isn't technically black. It's...dark grey. And I just managed to get an exception. Which wasn't easy. But so long as I wear the standard uniform in competition, I'm permitted to wear my own to practice.” 

Hux, who obviously did not have the self control Kylo did, rolled his eyes. 

“How far away is your house? It's not halfway to Canada is it?” Hux managed to make his complaint sounds like an accusation.

“We've been walking for about two minutes, I'm pretty sure you won't die if you walk for a little but longer, Hux. If you're struggling this much, maybe you should take up a sport.” Kylo was pleased to hear Hux splutter. 

“I am not struggling, and I don't do sports. I focus on academics. Which it sounds like you could do a little more of.” 

Kylo refrained once again from punching Hux, or smashing his head on the concrete. Which it seemed like he was doing a lot of around Hux, who seemed to rule him up without effort. 

Thankfully they managed to make it home without any more snide comments from Hux. 

Kylo slammed the front door open, and Chewie came running at them, tail wagging as he stopped to sniff both of them, mostly Hux, who stood there frozen. Kylo closed the door behind them, not wanting to spend the afternoon chasing Chewie through the neighborhood if he got out. 

“I'm home! I brought someone with me, we'll be studying in my room!” He shouted into the house, and then turned to Hux. 

“You can move, he's not going to bug you or anything.” Kylo swatted at Chewie, grabbing Hux and dragging him upstairs, stepping over stray shoes to get to the stairs. 

Kylo stomped up the stairs, not really noticing the piles of clutter that were as much a part of the house as anything else. 

He opened the door to his room, the STOP sign on his door swinging. Hux was about eight steps behind, looking at everything with wide eyes. Kylo shoved a pile of clothing on the door aside and set his bag down in its place, turning to try to straighten his bedsheets. 

Hux finally made it into Kylo's room, staring at the chaos. Kylo was taking out his fencing things, setting them carefully in the only clean area of the room as though they were made of glass. 

He straightened, sitting down on his bed and pulling out a binder from his backpack. Hux remained frozen in the doorway. 

“Hux? Aren't you coming in? We can't get much homework done if you stay out there.”

Hux let out a small sigh, finally entering the room. He sat gingerly on the bed, pulling out a binder, similar to Kylo's. 

“So, would you like to go over what we did in class today?” Hux asked, meeting Kylo's eyes. Kylo nodded, opening his binder and revealing a mess of papers. 

“For fuck’s sake, Kylo, it hasn't even been a full week of school, how is your binder such a mess?” Hux sounded horrified.

Kylo was in shock for a moment, Hux didn't really seem like the type of person to swear.

“I'm not great at organization.” He mumbled.

“Right. So let's look at the poem from class today. No, the other one. Yes, so how would you analyse it?” 

Hux was surprisingly patient as Kylo struggled, suggesting various literary devices for him to look for, then explaining what most of them were when Kylo stared back in confusion. While Kylo didn't feel any closer to understanding the poem, he did think that it looked better to rant on about literary devices than just stare at the poem. And with Huxs help, he soon felt more capable of doing that, at least for this poem. 

When they went back to the poem they had talked about in class, Kylo was able to understand most of what Hux was saying when he showed Kylo how he had done it. 

Eventually they finished, and by then Hux looked slightly less stiff, although he looked practically robotic next to Kylo's sprawling body. 

Hux glanced at the clock on Kylo's nightstand, half buried under the mess that took up all of his room, except for the corner his fencing equipment lived in. 

Kylo was highlighting a line in a poem when he noticed Hux stiffen and take in a quick breath. When he turned to look, Hux had the same deadpan expression he usually had. 

“It's...getting late, I need to head home.” Hux was already putting his things in his bag, not looking at Kylo. 

“Uh….okay. You fine to head back on your own or do you want a ride?” He wasn't sure what contributed to the sense of unease filling the air. Hux stood up, swinging his backpack over one shoulder. 

“No, I'll be fine to head back on my own. I'm not sure I'd survive being in a car with you driving.” The corner of his mouth twitched as he said the last part, and Kylo threw a book at him.

“What was that for?” 

“I'm an amazing driver, thank you very much! And I don't have a car, it wouldn't have been me driving you.”

Hux nodded, and opened the door to Kylo's room. He turned back, and it looked like he might say something, but then Chewie came running, nearly knocking Hux over. 

Kylo sprang up, pulling Chewie back. 

“Sorry.”

Hux looked a little shaken. “It's fine. Um...I'll see you tomorrow.” 

Kylo wanted to call him back, ask him what he was going to say. But he didn't, because he didn't give a fuck what Hux was doing, or give a fuck about Hux. 

He scowled at Chewie and fell back on his bed.

 


End file.
